Kids Are Not for Everyone

Not everyone is cut for parenthood and those who are parents don't always understand that there are some people that just are fine without being a parent.

As for those people that say that are complete once they have kids, more power to them but one day their kids will grow up and go on to live their own lives w/o them and then what'll they do?

I commend Larry68 on having the courage to write this....

I absolutely support your decision.

I have step-grandchildren whose parents evidently didn't want them, since the kids have been left about every weekend for over 12 years with another grandparent so the parents could party. Of course, according to the parents these children are the greatest gift humanity has ever known!

I have two grown daughters, and one grandchild. They moved out as adults and lead their own lives. We visit every week or two on the phone, and see each other every few months. They have their lives and interests and I have mine. We have more of a friend relationship than anything else, and it works for us.

I don't ever regret having my children, and they did bring something in my life that I would surely miss if I had not chosen to be a parent. But, honestly, I am happy that they are grown and out of the house. It was a 24/7 responsibility for 20 years.

I don't have kids. I was sort of willing to have them, if it worked out that way - but it didn't, and I'm quite happy. I borrow other peoples' kids and then get to give them back. And I have nephews. I do think it's irresponsible to have kids that you know you can't afford, or can't raise well, though. Yet I also know that I have no business judging who should or shouldn't have kids. So here is to all the parents. .. and to the nonparents. And especially to the kids, who can hopefully get through our muddling around with raising them.

I like to say the only perfect parent is someone like me, who has never had children.

Quite frankly, I never understood why other people insist on their friends and family having children. I did marry a man, who brought a daughter into our home, which is a decision I did not regret at all. However, if he hadn't been a father already chances are pretty good that we wouldn't have children at all, we never tried to have one together and as time passes we are slowly getting too old. Well by now my step-daughter is 16 and as much as I love her another teenage daughter is a no go.

What really annoyed me though was my mother-in-law's insistence on us having more children. I mean really, who is she to tell me that I have to pop out a child or two? That being said, I really hope that people will withstand the pressure from their peers and relatives to bring children into this world, because somebody else might think there is something wrong with not having them. Everybody should determine on their own whether they want children or not and as long as a couple can agree on one answer there is nothing wrong.

As far as you go Larry, I wouldn't call you selfish, I'd rather call you smart,. You are smart enough to know what you don't want before there is no way to turn back.

You are not selfish or a bad person. My husband and I decided we didn't want to have children a few years ago. Then we got to thinking that we would like to be parents and have started the process to adopt a child currently in foster care. We made the decision that instead of bringing a child into this world we would give a child who needs a loving home one would be better for us.

LOL.. i figured it was a typo. nah we're at Cannon on the east side of the state

Thank you so much for writing this article. I was beginning to think I was crazy or abnormal. I am 36, single, and yes, also an only child. I absolutely get where you are coming from with the selfishness. But I don't look at it as a negative trait. I think it's quite the opposite. If more people would really check in with their true character and take ownership of it; like selfishness, admit that you possess that character, whether is presumed to be a good or bad quality, and use it to define who you are and to assist you in figuring out what you should or should not be doing with your life.

I know for a fact that at this age, as a single Black woman, I don't need children in my life, and I have been okay with that for quite some time now. It's other people who are not okay with it. I have no desire, no biological clock ticking, none of that; to be a mother. I have two God-children who I barely saw, even when I lived in the same town as them so I know that there is no way that I can take care of another life, another human being. If more people would recognize that for themselves, instead of trying to fit into a box that everyone else tells them they should fit into, this box of "motherhood" or "parenthood", a lot of people wouldn't be in some of the situations they find themselves in now.

I'm not downing being a parent, who knows it may happen one day, but for now, I'm perfectly okay with it. It's also funny how, today, in dating circles, men, especially Black men, find it so surprising that I am single with no children. It's always an interesting topic of conversation because it seems in our current culture, it's become somewhat "normal" to be single with children, rather than married with children. My only goal is to get myself into a positive, companionship type of relationship, kids are purely secondary. Plus, I also meet many men who already have children, which is something I had to force myself to get used to a few years ago. I also read a book a few years ago, "Childless Revolution", which also validated my feelings about not feeling like I have to be a mother. I think too often, that women or couples, get "brainwashed" into thinking they need to fit into this image of 2.5 kids and often find themselves not living the life they dreamed of living because they were pressured into something by family and friends.

Lastly, I think it's also important that women and men honestly factor in the idea that maybe they weren't meant to be parents. On a spiritual level, I believe I'm single and childless for a reason. And, if I ever meet someone and we seriously consider marriage, we will have a serious discussion about children, whether or not we are either too old to have them or even biologically equipped to have them. Many women find themselves infertile or a man unable to produce after a certain age. I am at peace with the fact that that might be the case with me one day. I really think that more couples need to be okay with that and find other ways to have a "family", instead of paying millions of dollars to get infertility treatments, in-vitro, etc. all in the name of being able to say, you know what, I had a baby and then at the age of 40, I will take care of an infant from scratch until I'm about 80. Nope, I will pass on that opportunity, especially if it doesn't present itself any time soon.

Thanks again for writing this article and making it okay to admit that you don't want kids and making it okay, to want to just be with someone you love, working on creating a relationship.